“Book 1: My Charmed Ones! Chapter 4”
By: (Mister) Jimmie Ray Giboney.
Chapter 4: “An All New Episode Of ANGEL Is Next On The WB.”
The “Angel Investigations” segment of “Wolfram & Hart” had become emotionally drained recently. First, Buffy and her “Scoobies” would barely talk to them via telephone, let alone in persons, because of their new connection to “Wolfram & Hart”. Then just as they thought Cordelia Chase was going to recover from her coma, it turned out she had died instead! Her visit to them was a courtesy call before checking out of the “Hyperion Hotel” permanently. So they had put all of their emotional investment into who was left to them. Miss Winifred “Fred” Burkle. But now she was dead too! An ancient Demoness named “Illyria” now had control of the shell of her body though, which was freaky! The Demoness Illyria had some if not all of Winifred’s memories, but not her personality. Winifred’s soul had been destroyed during the resurrection, so the Demoness Illyria was all they had left of poor Miss Winifred! The Demoness Illyria was going to conquer Planet Earth, until she learned that her own dimension was now a wasteland, and her army of loyal followers was nothing but piles of dust. Her destiny had been foretold and then it was not to be after all. So she was feeling useless, homeless, and grief stricken. Which brought the Winifred memories to the forefront, and now she was feeling empathy with her would-be enemies.
Sure they had tried to kill her, Illyria, but she was too powerful. She had stopped trying to kill anything or anyone. So it was sort of a stand-off. Everyone had felt emotionally drained. Then the intruder-alert alarms sounded. More bad timing!
Angel and Spike were the only ones to respond. They rode the elevator to the basement levels, and then they walked the rest of the way. Eventually they entered the city sewer system part of the basement levels. The section was old, not high tech. They could tell because of the older lights, that this section wasn’t used very much. Then the lights ended and they were in darkness. They were wary, not just of possible intruders, but of old style traps that may be set around here. At least as vampires, they could still see where they were, and how to proceed with caution.
If this was a scene in a movie, you could see them somehow, despite the dark, but since this isn’t a scene in a movie, we get to have no light at all. If it were an animated cartoon, you may at least see some eyes in the dark, and sound-effects words. But this isn’t a cartoon either! Not even a comic panel or strip!
So forget the damn lights! It’s dark! Get?! Dark! You can’t see them, unless you have super eyesight too! Scratch that! You’re reading a paragraph! You can’t see them except in your imagination! So, in your imagination, to be accurate, don’t provide them with any lighting either. Okay?
Angel and Spike heard someone, or something, making some commotion up ahead. It sounded like some old-style traps had been activated. So Angel and Spike stopped moving. The trap sounds ended. Then they saw some flashes of light as magical energy flashed about the tunnel. They had heard a feminine voice casting the spell too. It didn’t sound like anyone they knew, but it did sound like witchcraft was being practiced. So they knew witches, or at least one, was ahead of them somewhere. If only Willow would talk to them! Not that a cellular telephone would work down here so far below ground level anyway, but the option would be nice to have anyway.
Then began walking ahead again, until they got within spitting distance of the witch in question, and she didn’t look like a witch! She had a mask, but she was not the “Lone Ranger”, or the “Green Hornet”! Nor a skier, or a bank robber, but she was dressed like some sort of comic book character. They could appreciate her inherent sex appeal. They were about to introduce themselves to her, when suddenly four other women dressed sort of like her appeared out of nowhere! There had been no flash of light to signal their sudden arrival either! They were just there! Now they knew how others must have felt when they had used Superspeed against them!
They were startled and surprised and awestruck so much, they fell backwards off of their feet. They hit the concrete with their butts. They saw the witches not dressed like witches, watching them intently. Angel and Spike got back to their feet as the newcomers waved at them, and the first one greeted them as if she knew them! “Hi, guys! Are you here because of the potential Hellmouth? Or is this your idea of camping out?” she had said to them. Then as the guys, which they were, tried to deal with this person who seemed to know them, but they didn’t recognize in their minds, the gals suddenly assumed fighting stances. Talk about mood swings!
The guys decided to remain in neutral stances, while they faced the lovely intruders in their far out garb. Two guys, five gals, standing in the dark facing off with, or at, each other, in a sort of sewer. “Did this still count as a sewer? Or was it a secret entrance and exit to the office tower complex?” Angel was thinking. He must have mumbled loud enough to be heard. Because Spike replied, “I’d say it would be a secret exit or entrance. But is there a point or do you just like to hear yourself out loud? Bloody Hell, Angel! Those are the first words you say?”
Spike also said, “Pardon us, ladies! We don’t mean to be rude by ignoring you. But now, would you care to explain why you’re here?” Then embarrassed Angel said, “You act like you know us, but I don’t recall you? I happen to have a photographic memory too.”
But before the masked ones could answer, the duo saw their shadows suddenly appear on the masked ones, as if a light were suddenly shining from behind the duo. Which it turned out to be. Before the guys could turn around however, the first one they had encountered said, “Harmony? Is that you? Why are you over there, behind Angel and Spike? That was Princess Piper. Princess Prue said, “With a big flashlight?” Princess Phoebe and Princess Paige said, “Harmony, beware! They smell like bloody vampires!”
Now Angel and Spike didn’t have to turn around, because Harmony had indeed arrived with a big flashlight in one hand, and a weapons bag in the other. She pushed herself between the male vampires, as she shined her bright flashlight at the ladies. Harmony said, “Yes, I’m Harmony! Because I was already on this side and it was the easiest approach. Angel is my boss, and Spike is my sort-of boyfriend. Hey! How do you know me!? I don’t know any of you! I think? It was the first flashlight that I could find. I know they’re vampires! I’m a vampire too!”
The Charmed Ones could stare at any sun all day, and not blink, and suffer no harm. So the flashlight wasn’t bothering them. But Angel and Spike were annoyed by Harmony playing with the light as she stood in between them. She was checking out the other “chicks”, from heads to toes. Comparing fashion senses and cleavage, the usual female routine. Angel’s and Spike’s eyes had to readjust to having such a bright light source again. Harmony said to her pals, “What’s up with the masked chicks?”
Harmony had arrived; wearing a sexy, white dress that she thought let people know how hot she was sexually, yet was still dignified enough for a business office, like a law firm. The “masked chicks” as Harmony had described them, had also checked her out from head to toes. More so than they had the two males. So they did notice the weapons bag she had lugged with her.
Harmony tossed the heavy bag to Spike and the flashlight to Angel, without warning. The guys grunted as they reacted just in time to catch the tossed items. They didn’t fumble! Harmony had tossed the items so her arms and hands would be free to strike a pose. Her feet shoulder width apart. Her hands placed on her hips, elbows out. She had a determined look, and a confused look, on her face. She began to subconsciously tap her right shoe. She was like an indignant Shirley Temple! She looked cute, but not in an innocent way as the child star had. Harmony didn’t appreciate being placed in situations where she looked stupid to her peers! Let alone her superiors! Not to mention those she considered her inferiors! She just didn’t like to look stupid in front of anyone. Friend or foe.
Ironically, she wasn’t always aware of such moments. That was her sort of innocence, which she had about her. In this tunnel, with the bright flashlight as the only source of light. With it now behind her, in Angel’s hands. With Harmony in white. Her outfit showed off her sexy figure very well! In this lighting you could see what she had to offer! Spike was used to it. Angel wasn’t! The Charmed Ones had seen their Harmony nude, let alone in an outfit like this. So it was Angel who averted his gaze and the flashlight away from Harmony, subconsciously.
When he did so, another beam of light had replaced his. Now they were suddenly aware that Wesley had arrived! He had his gun with him. The same one that he had used to shoot people recently, who he felt weren’t giving enough attention to Winifred’s problems. The Demoness Illyria in Winifred’s body shell, with nothing better to do, had followed Wesley. She still looked sad and scary. The light got brighter by one more flashlight, as Lorne arrived too. Gun wouldn’t be making it, as he was still in recovery from having been stabbed by Wesley. That made it for all of them. Angel. Spike. Harmony. Wesley. Faux-Winifred/Illyria. Lorne. Standing across from, Princess Prue, Princess Piper, Princess Phoebe, Princess Paige, and Princess Pepper Ann.
The Charmed Ones gasped when they saw Illyria’s new Demonic look. Other than that, they had yet to reply to Harmony. Now it was the other side’s turn to gasp. As if appearing out of thin air, behind the Charmed Ones, some more ladies had arrived using Superspeed! Princess Buffy II. Princess Faith. Princess Willow. Princess Dawn. Princess Amy. Then, another gasp as more arrived! Princess Anya. Princess Tara. Princess Cordelia. Princess Winifred. And then another Harmony! Princess Harmony! Of course, the “Fang Gang” was still unaware of their ladies Royal titles.
There was some awkward silence that followed. Then “The Host” Lorne said, “Are we being Punked?!”
The End of Chapter 4!